May
18
Many people have wondered how to help themselves and those they love gain peace, safety, happiness — even joy.
Yet, the answers may be too buried and painful to examine, or too complex and time-consuming to understand to just figure it all out on their own.
Luckily, many people have figured things out for us. They put these truths in their writings, folktales, songs, stories, movies — everywhere. We just have to pull them together and figure out what makes happy people happy, and what makes jerks so… jerky.
It is really kind of simple, yet really kind of profound.
So, we here at the Upward Spiral want to change the world (no big), by offering some insights on how to gain safety, peace, happiness and ultimately, joy. Or at least, help you feel like that more often.
When people seek these things, they free themselves from fear, anger, selfishness, and guilt, — both from within themselves, and from without, in their dealings with others.
The Basics
There are two sources of influencing Factors in each person’s life:
- - From within
- - From without
These factors — which include the concepts, people, and situations they find themselves confronting — effect a person so that they respond in some way.
The sum effect of these factors could be called that person’s Worldview — how they view people, their environment, and their own place and potential to act within it.
In truth, some factors, and some aspects of a person’s Worldview have little impact on their lives. Yet others become the core beliefs upon which they choose to base their lives.
These core beliefs can be called our Approaches to life. Approaches are the choices one makes which determine one’s character, personality, and integrity.
Thus, from the Approaches people choose arise their Behaviors — all the things people do, say or think.
Each person is responsible for choosing valid and beneficial Behaviors, and rejecting/eliminating the distorted and harmful from their life.
Based on their Approaches and Behaviours, people either progress, or regress. In life we are always moving; there is no stable position to “stay put” amid a constantly changing world.
Still, whether a person progresses upwards– or regresses downwards — is up to them.
All Behaviors always have Consequences. Behaviors based on beneficial Worldviews and Approaches will lead to a productive, satisfying, and happy life. Or, if based upon the opposite, they will lead to a harmful, discouraging, and sorrowful life.
The paths leading upwards or downwards are, in a sense, the same path. The difference is one’s direction — their real intent, in the day-to-day, and over the long-term.
Where a person is on that path, compared with others, is not nearly as important as their direction.
So, how does one know which direction they are headed? Their family is headed? Or even the organizations and people they deal with?
There are repeating patterns along these upward and downward paths, which may be thought of as recurring cycles.
The recurring cycle that leads one to progress also helps one gain wisdom, so it is called the Wisdom Cycle.
The opposite cycle is pursued by those who foolishly (and impossibly) try to make themselves not responsible for their actions, and the consequences, so it is called the Foolish Cycle.
The Wisdom Cycle
The recurring patterns in people’s Approaches and Behaviors result in two general cycles.
Recognizing and understanding these Cycles helps people to see the ultimate direction they (as well as the other people and organizations they deal with) are headed in.
First, is the recurring Cycle that accompanies upward progress, the Wisdom Cycle.
There are four major stages to this Cycle:
- Understanding: One may gain Understanding through experience, observation, or study. Regardless, Understanding enables one to see life more clearly, broadening and deepening their Worldview. Understanding is not the same as simple knowledge or expertise, which only helps one to do things.
- Belief: Belief is when one sees that something is beneficial or harmful, and asserts this to themselves and others, in word or deed. Regardless whether others agree, Beliefs bring peace, hope, and courage. False Beliefs, brought on by an invalid Worldview, yield pointless contention, confusion, and discouragement.
- Change: Change is when one alters their life to adopt their Beliefs more fully into their life.
Change requires sacrifice of some kind. Sometimes, such sacrifices come easily & happily; other changes are more entrenched and difficult, so time and effort are needed until these sacrifices come naturally, and easily. Yet throughout this transition time of sacrifice, one may find previously unknown reservoirs of hope for a better, more beneficial life in the future. One feels more “whole” when their Behaviours are finally more in harmony with their Beliefs. - Commitment: As one discovers that these applied Beliefs and Changes are beneficial to themselves and others, they resolve to continue in this path. So, they make the Change permanent in their lives, whatever that takes. This Commitment yields not just an increased responsibility, but increased happiness as well. Indeed, if one’s heart and mind are one in this Commitment, they will be grateful for them, and find peace in that for them, there will be no going back.
Once Committed, one see things differently — clearer, better — and so their Understanding grows.
One often realizes the matter is more beneficial (or harmful) than they had previously supposed, and their Belief grows.
So, one resolves to Change their minds, and they Commit to living their lives accordingly. As they do so, their Understanding grows again, and the Wisdom Cycle repeats, over and over.
As one follows the Wisdom Cycle, they may experience the emotions which accompany living within it:
| Major Stages | Give one a sense of… |
| Understanding | Discovery |
| Belief | Hope |
| Change | Progress |
| Commitment | Confidence |
| …all leading to short-term happiness and long-term joy. | |
Through continual seeking of wisdom — self-knowledge, self-discipline, and helping others in their own progress — those living within the Wisdom Cycle grow in pleasant productivity, beneficial influence, and happiness. And ultimately, that satisfaction and happiness becomes joy.
The Foolish Cycle
There are two Cycles, recurring patterns of experiences people find throughout their lives. The first is the positive Wisdom Cycle.
The other is its opposite, the Foolish Cycle.
By recognizing the patterns of the Foolish Cycle within oneself, one can get out — and stay out — of the Foolish Cycle, which sets one free to move forward along the path of Wisdom.
One can also recognize the Foolish Cycle’s patterns in other people and organizations, and then one can limit their dealings with them, thus decreasing downward influences from without.
The Foolish Cycle also has 4 major stages:
1. Fear Cloud: By the Fear Cloud, we mean not only being afraid, but also its related emotions, which can range from panic to cowardice, from anxiety to the Shortage Mentality, or from angry, controlling Behaviors to impotent self-victimization.
2. Ignorance: Everyone is ignorant of many things, but not everyone aspires to be ignorant. Aspiring to Ignorance most often appears as feigned ignorance (e.g., “Who, meeee?” or “Why, whatever do you mean?”), or the falsely “optimistic” assumption that they, and everything they do, is always right. Typically, the foolish goal here is to avoid being blamed for the consequences of their own selfishness, rashness, or inaction.
3. Refusal to Change: In the short-term, the Refusal to Change may range from an adamant refusal, to a procrastinating, wishy-washy, lack of resolve. There is an unwillingness to adapt to — or even accept — changing circumstances. Over the long-term, “won’t” eventually becomes “can’t,” as that person regresses downward.
4. Seek Irresponsibility: In this stage of the Foolish Cycle, people avoid the normal responsibilities attendant to a successful life. This irresponsibility can often be recognized as troubles they have, such as not taking responsibility for their own finances, temper, diet, and health. This is also seen in their unwillingness to do what it takes to have positive, supportive relationships with others.
There are three common Approaches to Seeking Irresponsibility:
One common Approach is Blaming one’s own problems or mistakes on others.
Second, they Find Fault with others, by criticizing, mocking, and gossiping.
Thirdly, they may try to Control others by manipulating, antagonizing, scheming against, or expressing anger toward others.
Foolish Cycle “Relationships”
People who act in the Foolish Cycle are, at first, unwilling to create and maintain supportive and beneficial relationships. Eventually, if they continue, they’re unable to.
People lost in the Foolish Cycle become increasingly difficult to live and work with. Ultimately, they simply aren’t worth it. As they continue downwards, other people and organizations wisely avoid them.
Thus, as their isolation increases, so their influence and power decreases. As they realize they are comparing unfavorably to others, they first Demean, then Abuse, and ultimately try to Destroy others, in order to defend their poor choices and regain some kind — any kind– of influence.
This is why many people (especially those in the Wisdom Cycle) carefully limit their dealings with those in the Foolish Cycle. They recognize, just as a tub of water with even one small drain will eventually be emptied, so can each of us be pulled downward through the influence of even one person or organization lost in the Foolish Cycle.
| Major Stages | Give one a sense of… |
| Fear Cloud | Uncertainty |
| Ignorance | Despair |
| Refusal to Change | Guilt |
| Seek Irresponsibility | Insecurity, Ineptitude |
| …all leading to short-term sadness, and long-term sorrow. | |
When one chooses to spend their life in the Fear Cloud, becoming more Ignorant, Refusing to Change, and Seeking Irresponsibility, they make themselves into a fool. Thus, it is called the Foolish Cycle.
The Spiral
Everyone’s Approaches and Behaviors repeat within the Wisdom Cycle and/or the Foolish Cycle over and over, throughout their life.
Those who repeatedly grow in Wisdom find their talents, abilities, and influence increasing; they become more capable of doing well.
In contrast, those who fall deeper into foolishness may think they are taking the easy way out, yet things become increasingly difficult and less and less successful. In response, they may narrow their lives to focus on the few things they still do well. However, since the problem is not in their execution, but in their basic foolish assumptions, even those few things will eventually fail, and they are left with increasingly purposeless, empty lives.
Many people do some things Wisely, and others things Foolishly, one after another. This can lead to frustration and disappointment as the accumulated Harmful consequences associated with one’s Foolish Cycle Behaviors will tend to undermine one’s Wise Behaviors. For example, an employee with problems in his/her home life (or work life), will have difficulty acting Wisely and effectively in the other venue.
And so the Cycles lead one upwards or downwards in life. In other words, the Cycles themselves are part of an Upward or Downward path.
One may think of the long-term path, with its recurring Cycles, as being part of a larger Spiral. Hopefully, we will want to move upward within the Spiral.
As in walking up a staircase, it takes time and effort to move up the Spiral, though over time, it becomes easier, especially with the beneficial consequences helping one along.
In contrast, regressing down the Downward Spiral is relatively easy — at first — but it quickly becomes complicated, stressful, and painful, as the Harmful consequences (and growing foolishness) weigh one down further.
Many waste time comparing themselves with others, yet the only person one can only be accurately compared to are our former selves. Others get discouraged and wonder if they are too far down to ever climb upwards again. Yet, in the short-term, one’s current place within the Spiral turns out to be relatively unimportant.
What is all-important is which direction — Upward or Downward — one has decided to go.
Although sometimes difficult to see initially, time will surely tell whether one has chosen Upward, with the Beneficial Consequences for them and those they deal with, or Downward, with Harmful Consequences arising from their Behaviors, for others and — mostly — for themselves.
In fact, there is within everyone an infinite potential to move Upwards or Downwards: As the Spiral widens, granting ever more Wisdom and influence, the demands and responsibilities of the Upward life will be easier to achieve, and greater achievements follow. As one discovers how little they really knew, and begins to see just how infinitely far they can go, the Upwards path we take grows wider and longer, with each circuit of the Wisdom Cycle.
By comparison, to slip Downwards is easily, even carelessly done. Worse, as one accelerates as they slide faster down the ever-narrowing Downward Spiral — where there is no bottom either — their now Selective Perception keeps them from understanding their dire circumstances.
Those who keep dealing with those in the Foolish Cycle are likely deep within the Downward Spiral themselves. People in the Foolish Cycle, in order to defend their poor choices, insist that no one can go very high (calling it idealistic and ignorant, etc.), and also that one will never go too far down; these people are undoubtedly swirling downward and, consciously or not, trying to drag others down with them.
Those in the Wisdom Cycle have learned this already, probably the hard way, by trying to help those who will not be helped, yet are only too willing to harm others by dragging those trying to move Upwards down with them. This is why those in the Upward Spiral are careful to limit their dealings with those heading Downward.
Thus, if someone who has harmed others wants to regain the trust and association of those in the Upward Spiral, it may take proof — apologies, making amends and restitution, selfless actions — to regain the respect, trust, and companionship of those they have offended if they wish to act in the Wisdom Cycle and move Upward in the Spiral.
In general, one needs more than balance in their life to become truly Wise. They need inner harmony, wholeness, and a concerted effort to move Upwards, and often, efforts to associate (only) with those also moving Upwards, in order to not support any Harmful Behaviors from Within or Without.
Some believe they can just stay the same and everything will be more or less fine. However, over the long-term, no one can “stay in one place” in a changing world. If they try, over time, they find they have begun to sink downwards unknowingly, having become entangled unwittingly in Foolish Behaviors.
Since Downward Spiraling people and organizations pull everyone within their influence downwards, each person must be continually working to move upwards to keep themselves from being pulled down.
Spiral Keywords
A great deal depends upon wisely judging one’s direction. Yet, some tend to be hard on themselves, despite their sincere efforts. Others define themselves as essentially perfect, and thus justified in all they do, regardless of the consequences. Thus, it can be difficult to honestly consider one’s choices, and assess their long-term impact.
If one’s goals include increasing peace, safety, happiness, or joy, then one must live so that their choices in the short term lead to long term benefits. When doing so, the results will be an increasing freedom to act ever more wisely and Beneficially.
Many Wise ancient and modern people have noted that because of time, people are unable to predict all the future consequences of their actions.
Thus, one should try to learn as much as possible from the Wisdom available, as well as through their own experiences, and upon that Wisdom, determine what their Approaches to life will be. They can then shape their Behaviors to act accordingly.
Upward Spiral living is based in these beneficial Approaches and is applied to one’s life through the Wisdom Cycle. Downward Spiral living is based in Harmful Approaches, applied through the Foolish Cycle. Of course, life is more complex than a simple metaphor. In a sense, people may move upward in some of their Behaviors, and downward in others.
It should be noted that when one allows Downward Spiraling people (or organizations) access to one’s life and the lives of those they love, everything in their lives can be pulled downwards. Even a single hole, given time, will drain a very large tub of water.
It is important to ask oneself, if they (or those they deal with) act most often in the Upward or Downward Spiral? In asking this, one may consider the following descriptive keywords to identify their trademark Harmful or Beneficial Approaches.
| Upward Spiral | Downward Spiral |
| Wishes to be a benefit to others; foremost desire is not to harm others | Any desire for benefits (even in own life) is overridden by desires to harm others; may or may not harm others, but always hurt themselves |
| Giving & growing | Harming others |
| Humble, eager to learn | Prideful, Assume they know all |
| Mistakes tend to be honest ones | Mistakes tend to be intentional, or through purposeful "not noticing" |
| Apologize readily | Never admit they do anything wrong; Justify & defend their Harmful Behaviors,mistakes, insensitivity, and errors |
| Responsible, faithful | Irresponsible, cynical |
| Two-way communication | Critical, blaming, controlling, domineering |
| Mutually beneficial interpersonal relationships | Demanding, giving orders, dictatorial |
| Changing, progressing | Destructive or circumstantial "relationships" |
| Unselfish, shares well with others | Shortage Mentality; Selfish; getting or taking is primary objective |
| Grateful for responsibility as opportunity to serve, help | Fixated on authority and power as chance to control others |
| Confidence, self-worth | Either self-loathing or want to feel they are the pinnacle |
| Calm, focused, peace | Frustrated, fretful, anxious |
| Not preoccupied with what others think | Victim mentality |
| Loving, nurturing, supporting | Destroying, abusing, demeaning |
| Respectful | Disrespectful |
| Seeks truth | Avoids reality, believes is "above the law" |
| Protect/help others, especially those less fortunate | Prey on weak (children,poor, underlings, etc) |
| Partnership, Interdependence, Mutual benefit | Master/servant mentality:Demand being served |
| Compromise via mutual trust and respect | "Must do it my way" egocentric |
| Reasonable, Reasoning | Unreasonable, Unreasoning, Inappropriate/unrealistic expectations |
| Long-term view | Instant gratification; Short-term thinking |
| Attentive to detail AND big picture | Consumed by details (lose sense of true purpose) OR "big picture" (lose focus on steady growth) |
| Grateful | Rarely expresses gratitude or thanks for anything Rarely compliments or does so falsely |
| Realistic; Hope + hard work = opportunity | Selective Perception; Convenient false reality/delusions |
| High functioning socially and otherwise | Mental illness/disturbed/low functioning |
| Happy for others;Help others reach their potentials | Comparative/wants ill for others to exalt self |
| Desire to Progress | Stagnating, Regress |
| Humble | Arrogant,Condescending |
| Sharing | Selfish |
| Forgiving (not forgetting) | Intolerant yet "forgets" who can be trusted |
| Partnership/compromise | Prone to Power Struggles, Envy, Gossip |
| Focused on what they can do | No focus, tend to try to control things beyond their abilities or responsibilities |
| Moral; Integrity | Amoral or immoral; refusing to take responsibility for own actions |
| Meek and sorrowful re: mistakes; readily resolves to improve | Defiant / making excuses/ cover for self |
| Attentive to detail AND big picture, as needed | Attentive to detail OR big picture -without compromise |
| Willing to teach others for mutual success | Demands perfection or rather, failure, when resources or knowledge are inadequate for success |
| Teachable | Argumentative; Won’t listen or discuss |
| Positive Changes | No changing, or negative changes based on selfishness, laziness, increase control over others, etc |
| Beneficial | Harmful |
| Respecting, Nurturing, Loving | Demeaning, Abusing, Destroying |
Dealing with Ourselves
While driving away Harmful Approaches and Behaviors from within, we will need to draw upon the Beneficial to help fill the void — or else the Harmful can (and will) return.
If we want to change our own Behaviors to be more beneficial to ourselves and others, we may begin by analyzing our Approaches, and rejecting the Harmful ones upon which the Behaviors are based.
Some of our Behaviors will lead to unintended negative consequences. Through honest reflection — and deep conversations with those we trust — we may recognize patterns in our (or others) Behaviors.
From these patterns, we can identify the Approaches and see which ones are truly beneficial, leading to satisfaction and happiness over the long-term, and emphasize them.
We may see other Approaches are harmful, and we may consciously “disown” and discard them and choose to replace them with positive ones.
When considering one’s own Approaches, remember the general patterns of the Wisdom and Foolish Cycles:
- When moving through the four stages of the Wisdom Cycle, one increases in understanding, self-mastery, responsibility, and influence.
They also quickly heal any Guilt Wounds that may arise from accidental foolish Behaviors. One then feels a strengthening hope, a sense of continual discovery, which results in greater peace and joy and in respectful, deepening interpersonal relationships.
- When moving through the four stages of the Foolish Cycle, one becomes increasingly ignorant, isolated, and impotent.
They also feel growing guilt, cynicism, and despair from their Harmful Behaviors. These weaknesses, errors and mistakes form a Guilt Wound.
Instead of cleaning it out and letting it heal, they seek to cover it by making excuses for their Behaviors, which allow the wound to worsen over time.
Often, they pretend to have influence by trying to demean, abuse, and ultimately destroy others.
They become fixated on not admitting they are wrong and their lives become defined by defending their harmful choices and the Consequences which follow.
For those within the Upward Spiral, their Worldview — indeed, their whole life-journey — is a search for that which leads Upwards. Even in the harmful things they discover, they find the opposite, Upward potential of things reinforced; ultimately, everything they think, do, and experience becomes a beautiful, living whole, growing Upwards.
Meanwhile, for those whose Worldview is leading them Downwards, life is a fragmented series of negative experiences. They see little or no potential for growth or improvement. Thus, they perceive in all things a grim meaninglessness or impending doom; all things point Downwards, for them.
Of course, it can be hard to have such conversations with yourself. You can work together with your spouse, a close relative, or true friend, to help each other.
If there is no one you can trust in this (and even if there are), it can also help to write down your thoughts, to better Understand your strengths and weaknesses, the beneficial and the harmful things in your life, and to gain a perspective your growth Upwards within the great Spiral of life.
Dealing with Others
The Upward or Downward direction a person lives in determines how other people may deal with them.
Everyone has had difficulties in their lives, but not everyone chooses Harmful Behaviors as a result. Those in the Upward Spiral learn from their hardships, using their experiences as the means to wisdom, and thus, as a springboard for beneficial living for themselves and others.
In contrast, it is common for people in the Downward Spiral to use their hardships as an excuse for their Harmful Behaviors toward others and themselves.
Even if one feels sorry for those who have had difficulties, it helps no one to support them in harming, demeaning, abusing, or destroying anyone (including oneself) for any reason.
Also, please note that children are not fully responsible for their Behaviors, since they have adults who are (supposed to be) responsible for them. Once one becomes an adult, however, everyone is responsible for their own choices, regardless of their background.
While there are many Approaches to life, people may still be described as somewhere within these two opposing directions of the spiral. Some are wholly focused at either extreme of the spiral, while many vacillate within the middle.
1. People strongly within the Upward Spiral are committed to living with integrity and benefitting others. They have chosen to do so through careful thought, and wisdom gained through much experience. They are unmoved by mere social or material concerns. Given whatever different situations arise, their deep integrity leads them to offer varying, beneficial responses depending upon what is needed (not just their own preferences).
Some of their overall Approaches to life are seeking self-knowledge, personal growth, meeting their responsibilities well, and helping others. They do not cover in any way for those who are choosing to behave harmfully, to ensure they are not enabling Downward Behaviors and their Consequences. Instead, they carefully bring out truth, even when it comes at a cost.
Since Upward Spiral people do not seek to control others, those within the Downward Spiral may initially assume that they are weak, easy victims, without opinions. However, although Upward Spiral people do not desire to harm anyone, they also refuse to allow themselves to be harmed, as well as those they care about. Thus, they try to quickly identify Harmful people and take steps to be protected from them.
In general, one can trust people wholly committed to living within the Upward Spiral, because their integrity keeps them from harming others, and they seek to build mutually Beneficial relationships, as well as have positive Worldviews, Approaches, and Behaviors.
2. People who are uncommitted to moving Upwards or falling Downwards are largely motivated by social or materialistic Rewards and Repercussions. They often present themselves as trustworthy, only to harm people later, when a different social or materialistic stimulus arises. Further, covering others’ harmful Behaviors is a very common choice for them, since one of their main concerns is their fear of others being upset with them and losing social/material ground.
By understanding this, one can protect themself by encouraging these people to elevate their Behaviors through social and materialistic Rewards and/or Repercussions. However, one should be aware, and consider the risks, of this changeable type of person.
Indeed, such people enable many profoundly harmful things by their focus on their own social/material concerns, instead of considering if their behaviors are having a beneficial or harmful effect on others.
3. People strongly within the Downward Spiral live selfishly and foolishly, scheming to harm others as much as they can get away with. Though selfish in the extreme, they are also unmoved by mere social or materialistic concerns; their primary focus is covering for their Foolish Behaviors — and resulting Harmful Consequences — so that they:
- Will never have to change, or acknowledge a need to change; and
- Will never have to take responsibility or suffer repercussions for the Harmful Consequences they cause (which, of course, is impossible).
You should recognize what they are choosing and accept that it is their choice to do so. Also, one should view their Harmful Behaviors as their issue, even when they foolishly try to point the finger at everyone else.
You should avoid unnecessary interaction or dependence on them — or even the appearance of such — to the best of your ability, so that they cannot turn your weakness against you.
If you must have dealings with them, with no alternatives, then state your stance, preferably up front, while acknowledging that not everyone may feel the same as you. Try to address it as an issue, not as a me vs. you situation. Re-state it, as needed, letting them know that other people and organizations are supportive of you, and your stance.
Avoid getting angry, which (from their point of view) justifies their position, and can result in a needless power struggle. Also, by ignoring their behaviour, your non-response may be misinterpreted as supporting them.
The point in dealing with this type of person is not to antagonize or “change” them, but rather to protect yourself from their destructive tendencies.
Conclusion
One may well wonder why Downward Spiraling people seem angry with people simply because they are happier, have good relationships, or are successful in other ways — while Upward Spiraling people find joy in their good fortune. Hopefully, this Web site has addressed some of the reasons why, in a way that will prove helpful.
One may also take comfort that it has always been thus:
“…may the gods grant you your heart’s desire, may they give you a husband and a home, and the blessing of harmony that is so much to be desired, since there is nothing better or finer than when two people of one heart and mind keep house as man and wife, a grief to their enemies and a joy to their friends.”
Please feel free to email and let us know what you think about the Upward Spiral. Thank you for visiting!
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